This week’s thoughts will not be long and drawn out. There’s a basic message I want to share that is so empowering in its authenticity and truth, that it doesn’t require a ton of finesse.
The truth is: No one cares what I’m doing, and I’m okay with that.
There was a time when I thought almost every move I made or ever decision I pondered was being scrutinized or subject to it. It’s called the “Spotlight” effect, but it’s not a good thing.
Now, it wasn’t that I thought I was a big deal, it was because I was not secure in my own abilities and thoughts and therefore was very susceptible to influence from outside sources, so my actions were dictated by this perceived focus.
We all live this way at some time in our lives. Lucky are the ones who don’t.
Maybe it’s our parents, our siblings, our friends, a partner, a manager, or coworker. It’s that one opinion or voice that really means a lot to you and can change your thoughts and plans with a simple, “Hmmmm, I don’t know about that.”
It may be something you feel so strongly about, or maybe something you are so unsure about, but you are 100% certain it won’t be received well if you move forward with it or share it with others. And that’s where growth stops.
You stop dreaming, stop taking chances, and decide what you are doing (and is in your mind approved by others), where you should remain.
It took me many years, some great coaching, and a few good books to realize, no one cares what I’m doing!
I could change my hair. No one cared!
I could change jobs. No one cared!
I could start a new hobby or do something new. No one cared!
I was a little hurt at first. 🤣 You know, you want someone to take notice of some things! But after I took a step back, and noticed that what I did, or didn’t do, really didn’t impact anyone else negatively. It was a sign.
A sign to move forward without worrying. Because really, if someone did have something to say, did I have to take their feedback? No. Did I have to stop what I was doing? No.
And it’s not a bad thing that no one cares, it’s just that they are busy living their own lives.
They really are.
The people you think are judging you, talking about you, are really more concerned with themselves and very little of their mental bandwidth is taken up with thinking about others.
Think about your average day.
You likely spend a lot of time thinking about what things you can do, should do, want to do.
What to eat, where to go.
When you cross paths with someone, your thoughts may be on them for a few fleeting minutes and then, back to you. What are they thinking about you?
In the meantime, they have gone on with their lives.
It limits us tremendously to remain in this constant loop of “what will they think?” Who are they anyway? Mostly, it’s just you. Playing an old recording in your mind. The old recording is the first time someone got into your head. Made you think, and made you question yourself.
If you are still listening to the recording, it may take some time to adopt the “no one cares” mindset because you’ve had it so long. I know because that recording starts to play in my head occasionally. When it does, I stop, and say out loud, “No one cares.” It still surprises me when I hear the truth of that statement. Next, I let the thought go.
The beauty and the benefit of letting it go are numerous.
Think of the things you haven’t done because you thought someone would say something.
Think about the ideas you have but don’t explore them because you think someone will tell you they are ridiculous.
You’re not living in the spotlight, and as soon as you can untangle yourself from this thinking, the better. Opportunities will open up to you, and you won’t be afraid to go for it, whatever it is.
So how do you get there?
It’s a bit of a process but so worth it.
Coaching, mindset change, and education are the keys to moving into this new phase.
By doing the work to release yourself from this self-imposed state, your world will change in all areas. And the relief you will feel is unimaginable until you experience it.
Knowing that no one was looking allowed me to start a business, start writing a book, raise my child according to what I think is important, and live according to my preferences. I try new things and I explore new opportunities in both business and life.
One of the best books I’ve read on this topic lately is called, “The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying About What People Think of You” by Michael Gervais, PhD.
It’s a wonderful, easy to follow examination of how and why other people’s opinions can have such a dramatic impact on the way we see and engage in life. With true life stories featuring notables from Beethoven to Barry Manilow, it will help you begin to move forward from what Dr. Gervais calls “FOPO” or Fear of Other People’s Opinions!
There’s never been a better time to embrace the advice of…
"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like its heaven on earth." ~ Mark Twain
Go, and let go of your FOPO!
Take care and be well,
Courtney
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