If you've spent any time around a two-year old, you know what it feels like to be driven to distraction by the question “Why?”
To hear that word one more time could almost make you pull your hair out, but when you look at it from the perspective of a two-year old, there is a very clear, sound purpose to their actions. As a child has very little control over what they do, where they go, and how it impacts them, they're just curious about what's going on. They want the blanks filled in and as soon as they get an answer that is sufficient, they let it go. (If you’re lucky.)
Now that my son is a teenager he approaches "why" from a different angle. His new question of choice is “and then what?” No matter what the conversation, no matter what the purpose, the next logical question for him is always “and then what?” This approach, like asking “why” drove me insane as well, but then I stopped and thought about the question.
Asking “and then what?” is just another way of being curious, another way of trying to fill in the blanks, another way of trying to get more information, and another way of trying to get more clarity around literally what comes next. The question is different, but the intent is the same and you have input into the outcome.
Over time, I've come to appreciate the beauty of the question “and then what?” for the purposes of helping my clients as well as to inform my own journey.
“And then what…?”
The simplicity of that one question opens the door to so many options.
Let's say for example you're working through a tough issue in your life, maybe that's all you can focus on right now. However, a big part of what you can do is ask the question “and then what?” to start to look beyond the present. Don't stop at what's going on right now, get your mind open to what could be, and you can only do that by asking “and then what?”
Play out the scenarios, look at the different choices that come up, and then different outcomes will start to appear. Each of those outcomes can lead to the next, “and then what?” The process can go on, or it can bring you to an outcome that provides the solution.
Additionally, the beauty of “And then what?” takes away a lot of pressure. “And then what?” doesn't require a definitive answer, it lets you be creative and lets you explore; in a sense it lets you try on different hats and see how they fit without making a full commitment. When we apply the concept of “and then what?” to our lives, it takes away the need to know what your next step is going to be and the requirement of fulfilling it right then.
A conversation I had with a perspective client was blown wide open recently by asking this question.
The client stated that all was good in her life currently, she felt like there was a bit of unfinished business with her career, interests and health, but that at her age, she really didn’t think it was worth pursuing. Maybe it was time to settle in and just ride it out. Maybe things were as good as they were going to get.
I took in her point of view, told her it was definitely her choice and her prerogative to do so but, “and then what?”
She stared at me blankly, so I asked again, “and then what?”
“What do you mean?” she asked in reply.
“You ride it out, and then what?” I responded. “Is that it? What does riding it out on a day-to-day basis look like from this point on?”
She thought about this for a while and said, “Oh, well, I could do something. I mean, I'm not going to just do nothing. I guess I would start to do more of my art, and maybe do a little traveling. Get in shape. I would need to stay healthy to be able to do those things.”
"And how does that make you feel?" I asked.
"Quite good. Excited really," she responded. "It's not as good as it gets. Maybe it does get better."
She went from riding out the last of her days to getting back to something she loved, seeing things in a different light, and thinking through what would be needed to make it happen. She did it all without stress or pressure. It all happened through pure curiosity about what could come next.
From my own perspective, I’ve asked this question when things have gotten confusing or I’m wrestling with the next steps in a process. Instead of giving into the confusion or deciding that something’s not possible, I challenge myself with “and then what” to brainstorm solutions, because there’s always a solution. You may have to examine a few before you find the one that works but the process of getting there makes you feel like actionable steps are being taken, and action leads to change, results, and success.
Reverting to the two-year old behavior of asking “why” can quickly lead to feeling powerless and controlled by a situation. Looking to assign blame and victimhood when things aren't going your way. “And then what” is empowering and puts the control in your hands.
Now, when my son asks, “and then what?” I work more proactively at answering in a way that fills in the blanks and provides clarity, but also with the knowledge that my response does not have to be definitive and can lead to us experiencing awesome new things along the way.
Whether it’s your health, your business, your career, or relationship, asking the question “and then what?” offers the promise of possibility.
Be open to it.
Take care and be well,
Courtney
Comments