It is often said that being a mother is the toughest job on earth. Imagine if motherhood was posted as a job description that anyone could apply for? Based on the criteria, it might be a pretty hard sell:
Organization: Family Co.
Position description: Seeking Jill of all Trades (Mom)
Family Co. is seeking a multi-tasking, hard-working, self-starter with a background in organizational management as well as family, and consumer science. Position includes nurturing, education, supervision, and discipline of Junior Family Co. members as well as support and collaboration with Senior Family Co. members to facilitate the operations and fiscal stability of the organization.
Must be willing to spend a great deal of “hands-on” time with Junior Family Co. members for the first few years post onboarding. After that time, responsibilities will include fielding questions, socialization, and transporting these members to and from educational and/or sports, music, or other talent-related/social activities as well as managing expectations around dress code, etiquette, and use of electronic equipment and entertainment.
Must also have the ability to plan and execute tenure celebrations annually (birthday parties), help with assigned projects (homework), provide in-person instruction for resources on how to operate a motor vehicle in mid-tenure years, implementation of curfews, provide human resource oversight for irresponsible behavior when applicable, and offer health and wellness coaching to include emotional support for personal development, friendship and romance situations that will most likely occur.
Must also be willing to be a role model for Junior members of Family Co., always keeping in mind that the conduct of Senior Family Co. members will greatly impact the long-term performance of those resources.
Coordinating the activities and schedules of individuals and groups of all sizes.
Must be extremely organized, yet flexible.
All applicants must have their own vehicle and a valid driver's license.
Must be skilled in basic housekeeping, cooking, and nursing, and/or possess the ability to subcontract said services if necessary.
Experience in assembling complicated equipment (toys) and handle repairs, enduring numerous hours of video game reenactments, responding to “look at a this,” several times during the workday, and creating unique, last-minute training projects (science fair anyone?) is a plus.
Position requires immense patience and humility, as there will be no “formal” evaluation or feedback regarding performance, apart from negative comments from Junior Family Co. members from time to time as well as “snarky” feedback from Senior Family Co. members and stockholders (extended Family Co. investors). Self-evaluations will be conducted daily, but should be conducted with the same respect, grace, and kindness reserved for other Family Co. members.
Lastly, the position requires unending energy, as there is very little or no downtime in this role.
Hygiene is optional and the ability to work with limited sleep is preferred.
No formal education required; tuition has been paid to, “The School of Life.”
Hours and Compensation:
Position is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no sick days and limited vacation time unless you are willing to extend trip to Junior Family Co. members as well.
Position does not pay monetarily – the expectation is that you pay for everything for Junior Family Co. members from birth through college and possibly after. There will be no reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses.
The opportunity to utilize your full skill set (and in some cases, lack thereof), to solve complex problems, make impactful decisions, have fun, and conquer new challenges daily with long-term benefits to both you and the organization.
The ability to experience the full lifecycle process of nurturing another human being to its fullest potential and seeing “the business” of life through the eyes of Junior Family Co. members.
The range of emotions experienced daily will both enrich the Family Co. product, and its resources. However, there may be an occasional “hostile work environment” complaint.
There will be hugs and kisses which are not normally approved in a conventional business environment and will not be considered harassment.
Often there will be juvenile behavior and laughing brought about by the antics of the Junior Family Co. resources, but these will be enjoyed, and will linger in fond memories.
After many years of infighting and organizational backstabbing, Junior Family Co. members will become competent, free-thinking, and independent contributors to the organization and may come to appreciate the wisdom, mentorship, and support of the Senior Family Co. leadership, much to their amazement (and yours!)
The joy of realizing through your efforts, the Family Co. product will grow and thrive.
And finally, Senior Family Co., members, over time, may be granted promotion to the position of Executive Family Co. member (grandparent).
While the job may so often feel thankless, especially when Junior Family Co. members turn into Mid-Level Managers, you will see qualities in them that will make you proud, like a solid performance review (good report card), a thoughtful token (art project), or the way they manage a complex situation based on organizational learning (telling the truth or standing up for friends). It will make all your hard work and dedication feel worth it.
As for the hard sell, the toughest positions are not always the most glamorous. However, the dividends of being a mother are priceless.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, stepmothers, mother-figures, like-a-mothers, and “dad (moms).” What would we do without you.
Take care and be well,