Maybe it’s the upcoming eclipse on Monday but I’ve been in a bit of a tailspin lately.
Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either; in more of a self-exploratory way. You know, taking a good, long look at life, love, work, family, friendship, what it all means and where it’s all going kind of way.
Finally, after sifting through all the noise, I remembered one vital thing: my values.
What is it that I value in life? And what do I value as a parent?
I know that sounds kind of stiff and don’t worry, I’m not going to go all “Father Knows Best” on you (I think I really dated myself on that one,) but that’s what became clear to me.
What do I value?
What do I value as a woman, a mother, a person, a business owner, a human?
So, I decided to take an inventory.
Health and rest,
Safety and security,
Comfort and love,
Growth, learning, and progress,
Family and friends,…
And top of the list…
Peace.
I had to sit with this one for a while because I was disappointed that it wasn’t family and friends, health, safety, or security.
Everything on the list is truly important and many of them support one another. Then, I came to realize, that the glue that holds them all together, for me, is peace.
But let’s take a step back.
As parents we have values for ourselves and values you want to pass down to your children from your own experiences and upbringing. In the event the values from your childhood were a bit shaky or not in line with want you wanted; you adopted your own because it’s important that you have values you feel good about.
Once you were clear on them, the values you established for yourself should support the framework of everything else you wanted to achieve in your life.
But as we get older things change.
Doing well in school may have become important and how you did it may have come into question. Getting the dream job might become a priority but what you must sacrifice may be at odds with what you felt were your values.
So, in the end, we have values, but if we don’t often live them, we can get off track. What we say we value does not always come through in the way we live our lives. And if we don’t live in alignment with them, that’s where discomfort, disconnect, confusion, and anxiety come in.
It was at this point I started thinking about the tailspin. What was it about my values that was not alignment? What was missing?
It was peace.
For me, if there’s peace in my life, my actions, my decision-making, all of the other areas I value can be in balance.
As I wrestled with questions about what was driving this lack of peace, it brought me right back to the inventory list. It was time for a “pros” and cons” evaluation to find the imbalance:
Health and rest.
✔️Pros:
Physically I’m good. Eating well, tests are good.
✖️Cons:
I need to walk more.
I’m a bit tired.
Safety and security.
✔️Pros:
I feel safe in my home, in my finances, and in my marriage.
✖️Cons:
I’ve been evaluating some pretty important business concerns lately.
Comfort and love.
✔️Pros:
I’m comfortable, I am loved, and I return that love.
✖️Cons:
Things are a little jumpy with the teenager right now! But hey, that’s to be expected.
Growth, learning, and progress.
✔️Pros:
I’m growing every day and learning every day.
✖️Cons:
Again, concerns about business have me thinking about ways to grow and make progress.
Family and friends.
✔️Pros:
Everyone is healthy and needs have been met.
✖️Cons:
There’s a bridge I’ve burned that needs to be repaired.
When you break it down like this, it’s clear where the overriding value of peace is being tested in my life. This is where I need to put my focus to stop the tailspin and bring back the balance.
Knowing what my values are and when they are being tested or are out of balance is key to my personal health and wellbeing. It’s also key to my parenting because they impact how I “show up” as a parent in my child’s life. Anyone of those areas being compromised can influence a decision I make or a reaction I have.
And as a parent, I want my son to know what my values are and pass them down to him. If they fit him and his needs, I hope he will adopt them for his own life along with others that bring additional value to his life.
Stop and ask yourself, what are your personal values? What are your parenting values? How do they show up in your life and are you living in alignment with them?
By establishing and living by a few key values, we can simplify our journey but in a very impactful way.
Now that I’m clear on a few items from the “cons” list to address, the tailspin is already starting to slow.
Come on eclipse, I’m living my values. What else ya got?! ❤️
Take care and be well,
Courtney
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